Dutch friends by Monique Mols (ASML)

The Dutch are always curious to hear how internationals experience the Netherlands. And, as they tend to view themselves as a peculiar species, they will nod in happy agreement every time you mention something that surprises you here.  Yes, we all own more than one bike. Our language does sound funny. You are right – we say what we think, but no, that doesn’t mean we are rude. 

It’s hard to offend a Dutch person, so any feedback is welcome. But there is one thing that never fails to amaze them: when you tell a Dutch person you find it hard to make friends with Dutch people, they will be surprised. And to be honest, I also found it strange when I first heard this. This is what internationals told me: 

*Dutch people make friends at an early age and stick to these

*They don’t socialize after work – they go straight home

*They don’t invite you to their birthday parties 

*They think internationals are only here for a short period of time. So why invest in a  friendship?

Of course, the reality is a bit more complex than this, but by and large, this is what I hear. And I feel that as a Dutch person, I need to offer some help. 

My conclusion after some not-so-scientific research is that having a go-between could do the trick. The Dutch can be somewhat aloof, and you need a reason to make a connection. 

So, get a dog! A puppy attracts crowds, trust me. People will suddenly greet you and start a conversation. The ‘dog people’ in my neighborhood all know each other (by their dogs’ names, but still). A child will do as well – you can easily meet other parents at the schoolyard. This is how I met some of my best friends. 

And if you’re ready for the true Dutch way of life, join a ‘vereniging’: a club. We have loads of them, and for everything: sports, hobbies ranging from music to knitting and collecting stamps, culture, and events such as King’s Day or carnival. Friendships guaranteed. 

Good luck! 

Monique Mols

Corporate Communications ASML